Today would have been my due date for the baby I lost in October.
I was kind of dreading this week for a while. Sam and Matt leave for an overnight field trip today and I can remember getting notice of it while I was pregnant and asking for special permission for Sam to miss it since we would want him (and Matt) around for the birth.
I think that just sort of sealed the date in my mind....and the expectation of what this week would have brought.
I was reading early this morning from the book of Luke about the 10 lepers that came to Jesus. It's interesting because the lepers were a combination of Jews and a Samaritan. Normally, the two groups would not have mixed but disease and rejection had put them all on equal ground.
Christ sends them to the Pharisees for the official report of "clean" (we don't know when they were actually healed but apparently as they were going to the next destination) and only one..the Samaritan...returns, falls before Christ and says, "Thank You".
I can remember being pregnant with Josiah and thinking that I was going to miscarry. My doctor at the time sat down and leveled with me. He told me that he had three pregnant women waiting to see him (I was one of the three) and statistically one of was likely to have a miscarriage.
That floored me! Those aren't great odds when you're desperate to deliver your baby.
I thought about that this morning when I read about the lepers.
Believers and unbelievers alike are all subject to suffering. It doesn't matter how much fame, wealth or position one holds....we will all have loss in our lives. In some ways that puts us all the same place. It's the commonality among humans.
We are all similar in another way.
Christ offers to heal us of our diseases. Maybe not literally or physically...I did not have that healing with Baby Joy or Eliza. But, He met my greatest need on the cross. He attended to the disease of my heart. His Word has been a continual balm for my pain and suffering and like those group of lepers, I have visited the Head Priest and have been officially declared "clean".
As I sat on my bathroom floor this morning and wanted to feel sorry for myself or compare myself with others that get to hold their newborns today, I was reminded not to run off and forget ALL that God has done for me. I don't want to be guilty of bringing charge against the Lord when He has loved me with a perfect, faithful love.
Piper said once that "No one is born in love with the sovereignty of God...they're born in love with their own sovereignty!"
I know this is true because so much of my life, I have longed to know exactly what is to come and why. I'm learning differently these days. I know that in God's sovereignty, He numbered my babies days before they were born and the moment they were taken was exactly their spiritual destiny. I know it was good for them. I know it is good for me. I'm coming to love that God is doing just the right thing at just the right time.
So today...the "Saints below join with the Saints above" rejoicing that God has been the remedy for our sickness. May we all fall down and say, "Thank You".