Friday, July 16, 2010

Voice Doctor- Round Two

SO, tomorrow I'm visiting a voice doctor.

I saw a voice doctor a few years ago and this led to a very painful experience. Tonsil...gone. All with the hope that I would re-gain a strong singing voice and better capacity to breathe.

It's been three years since I put all my singing eggs into that torturess surgery basket and sadly, I'm worse. I can't sing alone in front of people at all and even when leading the congregation at our church, must bail on them after the first song because I lose my voice.

Most concerning is the choking. I've come to choke close to every meal. Sometimes, I wake up in the night chocking. I hate not being able to sing but to take away my ability to eat in peace...this is no good!

So, I'm heading to a specialist tomorrow and I'm realistic. I'm hopeful that the chords are clear with no growths and that I come away without the prospect of any further surgery. Frankly, I'll just be happy if the guy doesn't gag me with that wooden vomit stick!

I want to sing again. It's therapeutic. I remember all of the hours that I rehearsed back in the corner of my mom's hair salon by the stereo on her days off. I would belt out songs for hours and emerge a new woman! Some people run...some dance...some talk....I sang.

Where to begin?

In a crowded room full of women the other day, it was quickly mentioned that my talent was writing.

I wasn't sure what to think about that.  It is evident to me that on some level this just can't be correct because I can BARELY teach my 5th grader grammar without having to fake my way through it.  

But, it's true.  I used to love to write.  It was a sweet spot for me.  A release when my voice would no longer cooperate and sing.

Have I been sucked in by Facebook and how lazy you can be with your limited one-liners and your quick feedback?  Am I too tired to dedicate to this cause?  Am I too private now?