What inspired this?

A few weeks ago I took a new friend out to lunch. This is one of the perks of not working anymore. Occasional "lunching". Everyone should "lunch" in my opinion.

Anyway, we got done and maybe I was numb from too many chips and salsa or I'm having a pre-mid-life crisis...depressed..maybe?? I don't know but I had just had my hair that I was growing out trimmed three weeks prior AND colored but regardless, I felt drawn to a salon in the same building complex.

I had heard that this guy from Covington had gone to this salon and I wanted to see how much it would cost if he did my hair next time. He is edgy and seems farily current. Maybe he could make me happy!

Well...it just so happened that he was free at that moment and thought that my longer hair was not complimenting my neck (I know?? I'm still not sure) and that I should do some patches of brown/red color in various places and trim a little....

And so I did something I NEVER do. I grinned at him...sat down..and said, "DO whatever you want."

Crazy.

So, after years of being compared to her quirky personality and silliness...I now have her haircut....



I'm waiting for the perfect picture to post when it does just what I want. I do think mine is a little longer than this pic, though. I have to say, I usually over-fix it but it is fun most days.

It doesn't appeal to my desire to be in a Jane Austin book with beautiful, long locks of glorious splendor but it is "cute". I guess "cute" is what you settle for when the wrinkles around the eyes and the less than perfect figure pushes you far away from the "Beautiful" category. I'm hoping to transition into my 40's as "classic"!

Actually, I'm REALLY hoping to go into my 50's...just not caring as much! Won't that be nice?

Everybody says the new cut is "Sooo you!" Is that a good thing? I thought I let him cut it so I could be "SOOO not me!"

Girls and hair. Aren't we pathetic?

Scrabble Club

Well...it's my suspicion that I have lost all readers with the signifigant gap in posting but that's ok. This is the first day that I've really felt like blogging and so I'll do it for me! I'm sitting in bed in a quiet house with my laptop and I'm patiently waiting for my tylenol pm to kick in(fat chance since I swallowed it down with my gigantic Diet Mountain Dew!) So, here goes...

Tonight I was introduced to a world that I didn't even realize existed. I guess I am pretty naive about what other people do on Monday night in their spare time but I'm still grinning to myself that no matter how old you are...you can continue to be surprised!

What was this alternate universe that has my head spinning?

"Scrabble Club"

Let me back up and tell you how I came to venture into this new group of people that simply love "tiles and racks and the valuable letters Z and Q".

You see, my life is very unfamiliar to me right now. I'm back home in Danville and much to my dismay, it has been very difficult to find a house to buy. So, I'm going back and forth between living with in-laws and while it has been such a generous blessing on our parent's behalf, we are all wanting a place to call "home".

I've gone from being a full-time working mom to a stay-at-home mom again and I'm homeschooling the boys from whatever kitchen we happen to be in that morning.

Funny enough...my friends all have lives so what I thought was going to be an endless array of "girl's night out" and play dates has ending up being "Can we hope to see each other THIS month??" When did we become big girls?

The greatest change is that on Sunday and various visits in between, I am now called "The Pastor's Wife".

Oh boy...it was hard to even type that. I keep thinking that if the congregation really knew me-well, it wouldn't be pretty. I have an ongoing discussion with God that when I felt I was qualified for this role (in my blind pride)- He kept me from it. Now that I feel totally messed up and weak...I'm running harvest cupcakes to the church cookout and leading music for our services. I join John Bunyan when he was comforted by looking to the heavens and realizing that his righteousness was ever before God in the person of Jesus Christ.

There is a Messiah...and it isn't me. It isn't suppose to be me. It doesn't HAVE to be me! What a relief.

So, I remain the sorriest excuse for a pastor's wife and that seems to be ok. I'm still fearful and irrational and very often WAY TOO SILLY...I'm late to nearly every service and I'm learning more from the teen Sunday School book than the girls are! I attack the visitors that seem like they can handle it with embarrassing enthusiasm and I still haven't sent out the welcome packets from a month ago! The food pantry has no food yet and that works because I have trouble getting the messages from people that have called in need of food!

I'm a wreck. Nothing has changed except the title!

(Matt, as usual, is perfection at the job. *sigh* Have you ever wondered if your husband's REAL wife is just wandering around somewhere...being responsible and godly in an appropriate jean skirt and a spotless reputation???)

But...I've taken a rabbit trail. Back to scrabble!

So, in all the confusion that is my life right now, I decided to take up a new friend's invitation and join her scrabble club. I haven't played for years but she lured me in with talk of "amateurs and casual fun". She's a big fat liar!!

These people are awesome! I was shocked. I was in WAY over my head and couldn't concentrate on my own game because I was hearing the scores from the other tables! I was glad that I made I made it through the night, scoring close to 300 on both games but that was nothing compared to this group. I appreciated that they weren't condescending to my playing ability and were insistent that I keep at it and come back.

They shoved a Scrabble book in my hand....hooked me up with a Scrabble computer game and filled me in on online Scrabble. In my bleary-eyed state, I think I remember someone saying something about me "memorizing" stuff this week? Wha-huh?

Did you know that they make card tables WITH the Scrabble board printed on it?? I guess there are tournaments where you go and play upwards of 9 games in a day!! It's crazy!

I don't know. It was so stressful. My friend Anne used to call me a "Wordsmith" but it doesn't matter if you can tell a story creatively in Scrabble! You have to know that "Djin" is a word!! Is that really true? I was too scared to challenge it.

So, I guess I'm now in a Scrabble Club. I know I will be mocked for this. I'm comforting myself by saying that I can practice with Sam and it will help him with vocabulary or it gets me in the community and meeting people. There's always that occasionally they play in Champaign at the Barnes and Noble and I will get a night out by myself with unlimited coffee drinks!

Ahhh...Already I'm feeling more like me again! Thanks, Becky!

Eliza Faith

Today would have been my due date for the baby I lost in October.

I was kind of dreading this week for a while. Sam and Matt leave for an overnight field trip today and I can remember getting notice of it while I was pregnant and asking for special permission for Sam to miss it since we would want him (and Matt) around for the birth.

I think that just sort of sealed the date in my mind....and the expectation of what this week would have brought.

I was reading early this morning from the book of Luke about the 10 lepers that came to Jesus. It's interesting because the lepers were a combination of Jews and a Samaritan. Normally, the two groups would not have mixed but disease and rejection had put them all on equal ground.

Christ sends them to the Pharisees for the official report of "clean" (we don't know when they were actually healed but apparently as they were going to the next destination) and only one..the Samaritan...returns, falls before Christ and says, "Thank You".

I can remember being pregnant with Josiah and thinking that I was going to miscarry. My doctor at the time sat down and leveled with me. He told me that he had three pregnant women waiting to see him (I was one of the three) and statistically one of was likely to have a miscarriage.

That floored me! Those aren't great odds when you're desperate to deliver your baby.

I thought about that this morning when I read about the lepers.

Believers and unbelievers alike are all subject to suffering. It doesn't matter how much fame, wealth or position one holds....we will all have loss in our lives. In some ways that puts us all the same place. It's the commonality among humans.

We are all similar in another way.

Christ offers to heal us of our diseases. Maybe not literally or physically...I did not have that healing with Baby Joy or Eliza. But, He met my greatest need on the cross. He attended to the disease of my heart. His Word has been a continual balm for my pain and suffering and like those group of lepers, I have visited the Head Priest and have been officially declared "clean".

As I sat on my bathroom floor this morning and wanted to feel sorry for myself or compare myself with others that get to hold their newborns today, I was reminded not to run off and forget ALL that God has done for me. I don't want to be guilty of bringing charge against the Lord when He has loved me with a perfect, faithful love.

Piper said once that "No one is born in love with the sovereignty of God...they're born in love with their own sovereignty!"

I know this is true because so much of my life, I have longed to know exactly what is to come and why. I'm learning differently these days. I know that in God's sovereignty, He numbered my babies days before they were born and the moment they were taken was exactly their spiritual destiny. I know it was good for them. I know it is good for me. I'm coming to love that God is doing just the right thing at just the right time.

So today...the "Saints below join with the Saints above" rejoicing that God has been the remedy for our sickness. May we all fall down and say, "Thank You".

Blog Inconsistency

I normally love to blog but it has gone on the back burner with the craziness that is our life and schedule. I believe it will eventually slow down...I believe, I believe..Oh, I believe!

I read a quote this morning in my library that totally summed up my blogging!

"A man swimming a horse across a turbulent stream does not stop to take a picture of the experience. I'll get my colts across the stream, see them thoroughly dried off, well fed, and on their way-then perhaps a picture." C. Marshall

Summer is around the corner. I'm looking forward to the changes that may bring.

Then..perhaps a picture!

A Fingerprint

The Lord has been so gracious to situate my circumstances to "press" me to change in big ways. It has been painful and fear has often been my choice but in His patience, He is leading me to His peace.

I am seeing His fingerprints all over my life. My past, with all of my sins and trials and now my present. As Andy Stanley has said..."So many fingerprints that some of the glass I can't even see through!"

At my church on Sunday, they completed the message with this YouTube Video. It is so great! Everyone was cracking up but since it was sent for ME...I got to be the only one crying my eyes out! It's another fingerprint.

Give it a watch! I've been holding on to my balance beam but I'm changing! I want to give myself totally to the exciting, challenging, fearless, whole-hearted Christian walk.