"Daddy"

To my eldest...

I really believe that it's my job to "learn" you. I have lots of things that I consider my jobs in life but that one definitely ranks high on the list.

For 12 years now, I've been doing my job.

Watching, listening, sneaking and peeking, reading and staring. Asking, asking and more asking.

Who is Sam? What makes him tick...what makes him ticked off?! What does he feel passionate about? What makes him cry? What are his gifts and weaknesses? What are his values, struggles, and ambitions? Will his blush today when I mention girls? Will he pull away when I grab his hand at the store? And so much more....

I'm learning you.

You're a hard thing to learn.

You're alive and growing and developing and changing.

Just about the time I think I've learned something-it's wrong now.

I learn you because I take it seriously that I am to train you. To direct you. To protect you. I can't really do any of those things - if I don't know you. It's critical. It's the biggest ball that so many moms drop.

I learn you for God. He made you. He knows you inside and out. He entrusted you-His own creation- to me for the raising. He wants your life to glorify Him. It's your purpose. I don't take that lightly. You came from my King.

Tonight we were practicing the readers theater for Sunday and I know the truth. I know you don't really want to do it. I know that you know that you have to do lots of things for church that you don't want to because of who you are.

I'm being careful, Sam. I know that with ministry it isn't suppose to be whether you can but rather if you should-If He wills.

You grimaced because you had to say a line that said "Daddy" and you were embarrassed that your friends would think that you say that at home and make fun of you.

(I also know that you still DO call him daddy at home!)

I know that you are walking into the years of the giant "fear of man". I have compassion for you. It's the worst! But, I know other things also...

I know if you give in to it now-You'll give in to it 20 years from now.

I know if I let you give in to it now-I will see it again 20 years from now in your marriage, your job, your ministry and in your Spiritual journey.

I'll regret even more then because I knew it now.

I love you, Sam. The simple truth for today is that God has given you to me for the knowing and the guiding.

Trust me with the knowledge...of you.

The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters,
but one who has insight draws them out. Proverbs 20:5

Pies and People-A Memory

My Prince of Danville-

I know I shared this with you on Thanksgiving but I want to officially get it on the record!

This is a fact.

"One day one of your children will ruin one of your wife's pies."

I remember it so clearly. We were rushing out the door to be able to make it to GG's for a party and my job was to carry a pie to the car. My mom had worked all day on the pies. She made them lattice-top. Mine was Cherry. That was my favorite.

I can't remember to tell you what happened as I approached the two stairs that led to the car but the end result was a lattice-top, cherry pie...

upside down. On the ground.

Memaw was so mad and especially now, I don't judge her for that. She had worked hard and money was scarce.

We were Lathrop's. An upside-down, grounded cherry pie was a deep loss.

She yelled at me and scolded me good and that's were the memory ends. Some may count that as a parenting failure but I think the beauty is in the fact that that memory stays with me. In fact, it was immediate in my mind Thanksgiving Day, 2010....

When you stepped in my Pumpkin pie.

Daddy was furious. We were late and you had been warned to be careful. We are Harmlesses. A half-squished Pumpkin pie is deep loss. Even WE don't like to eat pie that somebody has stepped in.

He yelled at you. Scolded you good! Some would count that as a parenting failure except for....

Upside-down, grounded, cherry pie.

With your head down and a broken spirit, I remembered my own pie catastrophe. I couldn't let you be alone in your shame.

"Sambo...Mommy isn't mad. When I was your age, I dropped my mom's lattice-top cherry pie and so I know how you feel. I forgive you. I love you."

The Simple Truth....

Forgiveness is contagious.

and

People are more important than pie.

Luke 7:44- "Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

He's listening

My sweetie boys....

Today I was listening to a sermon which led me to the story of Zechariah. (Luke 1). Andy Stanley pointed out verse 13..." But the angel said to him: “Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard."

For years Zechariah and Elizabeth had been praying for a child. Years. Years and years and years. While the angel's message was wonderful-bringing the answer that they had longed for, the real stopping point for me today was verse 13. Their prayer had been heard.

There will be times, my boys, when you will doubt that your prayers have reached heaven. God will be silent and you will question everything that you know about Him.

Run to this verse. Hold onto it with great faith.

God hears us.

He may not answer for a long time. He may not answer the way we want.

He will always answer perfectly. Perfectly timed. Perfectly best.

This is the simple truth for today. Even though God may be silent-He is listening.

A post to upload my new signature

Voice Doctor- Round Two

SO, tomorrow I'm visiting a voice doctor.

I saw a voice doctor a few years ago and this led to a very painful experience. Tonsil...gone. Sinuses...re-constructed. All with the hope that I would re-gain a strong singing voice and better capacity to breathe.

It's been three years since I put all my singing eggs into that torturess surgery basket and sadly, I'm worse. I can't sing alone in front of people at all and even when leading the congregation at our church, must bail on them after the first song because I lose my voice.

Most concerning is the choking. I've come to choke close to every meal. Sometimes, I wake up in the night chocking. I hate not being able to sing but to take away my ability to eat in peace...this is no good!

So, I'm heading to a specialist tomorrow and I'm realistic. I'm hopeful that the chords are clear with no growths and that I come away without the prospect of any further surgery. Frankly, I'll just be happy if the guy doesn't gag me with that wooden vomit stick!

I want to sing again. It's therapeutic. I remember all of the hours that I rehearsed back in the corner of my mom's hair salon by the stereo on her days off. I would belt out songs for hours and emerge a new woman! Some people run...some dance...some talk....I sang.

Where to begin?

In a crowded room full of women the other day, it was quickly mentioned that my talent was writing.

I wasn't sure what to think about that.  It is evident to me that on some level this just can't be correct because I can BARELY teach my 5th grader grammar without having to fake my way through it.  

But, it's true.  I used to love to write.  It was a sweet spot for me.  A release when my voice would no longer cooperate and sing.

Have I been sucked in by Facebook and how lazy you can be with your limited one-liners and your quick feedback?  Am I too tired to dedicate to this cause?  Am I too private now?

Neglect

My poor, sad blog has suffered severe neglect to the hands of Facebook....I said I would never do this but sadly, I'm lazy and FB is much easier.

My life is busy with everything that a mom and wife has on her plate and I'm renovating a house with my dad and brother.

Life is always changing and you'd think by my age, I would be prepared for that. Some easy, some hard...some good, some sad...some expected and unexpected....it reminds me to hold loosely to things that are temporal and hold fast to my One, True Love- Christ.