"Daddy"

To my eldest...

I really believe that it's my job to "learn" you. I have lots of things that I consider my jobs in life but that one definitely ranks high on the list.

For 12 years now, I've been doing my job.

Watching, listening, sneaking and peeking, reading and staring. Asking, asking and more asking.

Who is Sam? What makes him tick...what makes him ticked off?! What does he feel passionate about? What makes him cry? What are his gifts and weaknesses? What are his values, struggles, and ambitions? Will his blush today when I mention girls? Will he pull away when I grab his hand at the store? And so much more....

I'm learning you.

You're a hard thing to learn.

You're alive and growing and developing and changing.

Just about the time I think I've learned something-it's wrong now.

I learn you because I take it seriously that I am to train you. To direct you. To protect you. I can't really do any of those things - if I don't know you. It's critical. It's the biggest ball that so many moms drop.

I learn you for God. He made you. He knows you inside and out. He entrusted you-His own creation- to me for the raising. He wants your life to glorify Him. It's your purpose. I don't take that lightly. You came from my King.

Tonight we were practicing the readers theater for Sunday and I know the truth. I know you don't really want to do it. I know that you know that you have to do lots of things for church that you don't want to because of who you are.

I'm being careful, Sam. I know that with ministry it isn't suppose to be whether you can but rather if you should-If He wills.

You grimaced because you had to say a line that said "Daddy" and you were embarrassed that your friends would think that you say that at home and make fun of you.

(I also know that you still DO call him daddy at home!)

I know that you are walking into the years of the giant "fear of man". I have compassion for you. It's the worst! But, I know other things also...

I know if you give in to it now-You'll give in to it 20 years from now.

I know if I let you give in to it now-I will see it again 20 years from now in your marriage, your job, your ministry and in your Spiritual journey.

I'll regret even more then because I knew it now.

I love you, Sam. The simple truth for today is that God has given you to me for the knowing and the guiding.

Trust me with the knowledge...of you.

The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters,
but one who has insight draws them out. Proverbs 20:5