Alright, here's the thing...
I'm not so savvy when it comes to the internet. I mean, I know my way around it and I'm pretty good with searching for something but as far as an understanding of how very, very...VERY far it can go with information is not in my realm of reality. I was made more aware of this tonight.
I'm not much of a natural reader. I was just discussing this with some friends over lunch and it is a sobering truth. I never remember there being a kid book at my house growing up. Other than the Bible, I never remember my mom reading one story to me. We just weren't that kind of family, thus, reading today is very much a conscious choice that I make. I actually have to put "read to the boys" in my daily schedule or I will prioritize it right out.
Sad but true.
My library is full of books now that I am an adult. Ninety-five percent of them are "self-help" type literature. I know, some of you are giggling because that type of itinerary insinuates that there is a need for help, right?
So true, though. Thanks to the various directions my life has taken, people in general feel very free to lend, buy, or anonymously leave self-help books for me to read. Most of them I enjoy-LOTS of them I pass along! But, again, they are books that I schedule myself to read and I'm not flipping the pages at three in the morning.
Occassionally, I sneak off to the library in search of something that will really wet my appetite for reading. It varies from a classic English author and their tales of romance in high propriety and fine lifestyle to a good poet. Give me a Jane Austin novel and a comfy couch and I am set for the day. AHHHH...
But then, as I travel the isles of the library, I am inevitably drawn to one particular section. I feel this pull comes from an inborn gene that I inherited from my mom and so as you are tempted to swirl your finger around in my eye to get the splinter out, remember that it's HER FAULT.
Real life Crime Stories.
Oh My Word. I am trapped by them every time! I am sickly seduced by the tales of how people can go out and murder somebody and then try to get away with it.
For the record...I think it is very risky to read these kind of books. I know they aren't filling your minds with good thoughts and they can truly set you in a state of panic if you have to spend nights alone!
(Sadly found out by experience)
My mom is seldom without a Mary Higgins Clark book in her possession and she is addicted to murder mysteries. I'm convinced that we could have been a forensics team in some alternate life where I wasn't afraid of ALL THINGS BLOODY and both made a very successful living.
So, I say all that to say, I just finished a book entitled, "For Laci". It's the story of Laci Peterson as written by her mother and I picked it up because I remembered all the news publicity about the case and was interested in getting her mom's perspective. I could tell the book was going to be less about the murder and more a biography of their lives prior to the crime and so I reasoned out that this one would be more acceptable.
I was wrong.
Very much about her disappearance. VERY MUCH about the trial and conviction of Laci's husband. VERY MUCH GOOD. I have barely been able to put it down since I checked it out a while ago. It has greatly contributed to my "escape" tactic this week and my real lack of sleep. *Yawn*
Ironically enough, my mom called in the last chapter (which I earnestly tried not to sound irritated because I was reading with a fury that could have put me in Guinness) and asked me if I had lent her another tragic book that she just finished. I snapped "No!" but now that I think of it, I need to call her back and intercept the return so I can borrow it! I'm pathetic...
So, I was alone tonight and finished the book and I thought I would get online and check out some pictures of Laci in my nostalgic state.
The flood gates were opened.
I cannot tell you how much information there is online regarding this case and I was appalled to find that I could not only read extensive court transcripts, watch every news program every aired but I could also listen to actual phone conversations that this guy had with various people after Laci's disappearance.
I find this very frightening. While I am disheartened at the real lack of discretionary privacy that should be upheld, I am strangely tempted. How depraved am I?
I mainly stuck to news programs but I will say that I had to get off and give myself a break. One could truly go for hours on a research adventure and that, I'm sure, is an abuse of motherly freedom.
I'm going back to my home and garden sites. They produce WAY less guilt.