Saturday, July 12, 2008

Liar, Liar (If You're Reading This, I Need Your Help!)

I remember sitting in the dark bus next to one of my closest guy friends and making the decision to hold his hand. We weren't dating and my best girl friend who cared very much for him was sitting a few seats in front of us. I knew it would hurt her if I did it. It would be selfish and disloyal. I believed the lie that all was fair in love and war, right? Acting on your feelings was what you were expected to do when you were 16.

I was 12 and I was a student at our local public school. My parents were continually on me about dressing modestly but daily I would roll my jean skirt when I got to school so it would transform into a "mini". I went behind my dad's back and bought my first pair of "stretch" jeans. When he saw me in them, he forbade me to step out of the house with them. I threw them into my backpack and when I got to school, I changed into them. I did this a lot. I believed the lie that if you fudged on modesty it never really hurt anyone, right?

I had just gotten my license. My dad gave me strict instructions that I was only to drive around town and then back home. I called to ask if a friend of mine and myself could go out of town to her boyfriend's house. He said no. I called him later after a plan had been formed and told him that her parents were taking us. I then drove us there against my Dad's command. I believed the lie that I knew better than my authority and that the possibility of being caught in my deceit was unlikely if I was careful.

Cosmo, People, Redbook, Days of Our Lives, Horoscopes, Movies, V.C. Andrews, Dallas, "Big Hair Bands", etc... I believed the lie that I could fill my mind with humanism in the form of every entertainment possible and it would not shape my life beliefs and choices.

My Worth= boyfriend, updated clothes, hair, hair and more hair, size, friendships, talents
I've been ask by a lady in another church here in town to come and speak to a group of girls age 13-18 next Tuesday about some of the lies of Satan that I believed when I was their age.

Oh Boy.

I've been spending today trying to begin to correlate my list in my head so I can spend the next couple of days writing my outline but I'm afraid I'll miss some. I would love your help-even if it's anonymous! Most likely, my closest friends can avoid telling me there own and will just remember some that I'm missing about myself! :)

I guess my question is..If you had a daughter sitting in that room, what would you want her to hear?

There is so much about heart issues that I wish a 30-something woman would have spoken candidly about when I was a teen. I mean, I knew about fixing up the exterior to look like the good girl but it never reached my "idol factory"-my heart! It's a falsehood that you grow out of the lies that you embrace as a young girl. In fact, if not dealt with and without repentance, you totally carry them to adulthood. THAT is the truth!

Help me out! Your transparency in my comment section is for a good cause. Let's stomp out the lies!


Tiffany said...

OH wow... yeah, that's a big thing. Let me think on it and I'll give you my thoughts on it.

Steph said...

Well - I must say that your opening story threw me there for just a sec...:P
I think one thing I would challenge them on is "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised" - what does that look like? And why did the Lord feel that was SO important that He spelled it out in these verses?
I taught a S.S. class to teen age girls once and used two women (but didn't give them the women's names). One was Vivien Leigh (Scarlett O'Hara). I told about her beauty and success but then went on to explain how she left her first husband and child to chase and marry her "true love" gave more examples of her chasing happiness...and ended it with her dying alone (and a little crazy)
Then I told the story of my Grandma - how she was abandoned by her father, her mother died young, but she made right choices in spite of hardship and in the end = her father was restored to her. I passed around the women's pictures and explained that to the human eye - Vivien Leigh had it all, but because she only used her charm and beauty = it left her wanting. Because my grandma made choices to forgive and love - she is surrounded by a family that loves her. So what do we want to create for ourselves and how do we want to be remembered? Vivien Leigh's abandoned child didn't rise up to call her blessed - Herkie Batley's did.
Anyway - that is my book. I think you are on the right track - think of what speaks to you and what you are burdened with and go with it. It will be great. That is a really neat honor.

Audrea said...

Hi, Charity--I suppose it's time to declare myself and confess as a long-time lurker :)

Here's a few that probably fall under your other catagories, but are some specific lies I told myself or I saw others struggle with:

"I know outright sex is wrong, but God didn't say anything about the stuff before that" (Really? What's this thing about not even a hint of immorality being named among you? Eph 5:3--as if that activity was completely hint-free)
Or "If I could only be skinnier and prettier, I'd be happy and they wouln't make fun of me," or "God is just about rules..."

Thanks for the post. I'm confident the Lord will answer your prayers for wisdom!

Troy & Sherry said...

hey friend-
a couple things - the book lies women believe by nancy leigh de moss is wonderful and i think touches on so many lies the world wants us to believe about ourselves as women - i think also - talking about how mans sees the outside but God sees the heart - knowing that God saw ALL that i was doing - even when my parenst weren't around made me think twice about what i was doing - but the heart is key - if these girls don't want to love God and be pleasing to Him they aren't going to want to make these changes - you will do great :)
love ya friend

Sandy said...

I have to agree about the Lies Women Believe book, I would bet it would have alot to offer young, not quite adult women, if it was gleaned and handed to them. I will have to give this some thought and get back to you as far as personal experience. I have a feeling I was involved in a few of those incidences of yours..sorry babe! Miss you...

Charity said...

Yes...They are currently studying the book "Lies Young Women Believe"...that is why I'm being ask to come!

Thanks for the thoughts! They are helpful!

Anonymous said...

Alright...unfortunatley, MUCH I could say here on this topic..... from the "small" things of wearing the forbidden pants on a mission trip and being horrified when a picture of me in them ended up in the church slideshow on the same night that I am giving a testimony,,,to burying my glasses in the snow and telling my parents that I lost them, knowing that in Michigan, snow does not melt for like 6 months AND we were poor, so I knew they would not get me new ones so I was "good" at least until the snow melted....I literally could go on and on and on- very sad, BUT.... as I have thought over this in my life the word that keeps coming up is "disconnect" meaning I somehow did not connect what I was doing with what I knew the Word said about lies and deceit. I was known for my testimony, but I somehow did not see me for who I really was and my sin for what it was- sin! I so agree with you that I wish a 30 ish woman would have said what you will- applying in to me personally. I will also say this, it is always easy to pick out the girls in the group who you think need this- the ones like I was are probably the leaders in the group or the ones introducing you, but you never know who is really dealing with the heavy stuff in their own lives- they can fool you!!

Well, I wrote this quick so I hope it makes sense- I may have more inspiration later who knows!

When are you doing this by the way?


Anonymous said...

oops- re-read your post and you told us when- NEXT TUESDAY - sorry....


Tiffany said...

ok, so I didn't mean to leave you hanging. Life got laptop broke... and it has not been a good week already.

The lie that I most often fell prey too... "I'm too Godly to ever commit that sin." Believing that one got me in to a lot of situations where I can now confidently say that I am capable of any sin. Drawing close to God and hiding his word in our hearts is the ONLY thing that will help us to stay on the right path.

I often have struggled throughout my life with the lie that other people's opinions about me matter. I have spent large portions of my life depending only on what others thought of me. I have and am still learning that my self worth should only be based on God. My value is determined by the fact that God decided that I was worth sending his son to this earth to die for me. I love the way that Nancy Leigh DeMoss illustrates this idea when she talks about how someone who does not recognize a masterpiece may toss it into the trash, she asks if that makes that masterpiece any less valuable. She points out that the true worth of the art would be seen when an art collector spotted the painting and said, "That is a priceless piece, and I am willing to pay any amount to aquire it." I love that illustration because that is truly how God feels about me. I wish someone would have explained that to me when I was much younger.

Okay... so I could go on and on and on about this subject. However, I'm suddenly realizing that this is Tuesday and I'm hoping that this isn't the Tuesday that you needed to do this on. If it is...oh's to be expected, my two cents a minute too late. :)

by the way, I promise to give your book back.......

Dan from Danville said...


I hope you told those kids that I only date cute girls.