Wonderless

There's a real tendency in my personality that makes me sad.

I listen to people talk about beautiful days and flowers blooming and my first thought is, "Who cares? Do you know what I'm facing in my life? I don't have time for sunsets and sips of tea! I have to get busy living and surviving the next minute with some sort of success for the kingdom!"

Isn't that crazy? Here God has given me so many things to inspire my day and I miss them all by living within a cloud of discouragement and doubt.

I've never been much for "wonder" as an adult. I mean, I wonder how I'm going to pay the next bill or how I can keep from getting myself hurt or out of trouble. I wonder when things will happen...when hurts will disappear...when answers will come. I wonder when it will get easier? I wonder how to help. I wonder when there will be a "normal" day again?

But, I never stop to "wonder" in the blue sky that seems to always surface at the start of nearly ever day in the South. When was the last time I "wondered" in the night sky or the bird that nests outside my front door. What about the mighty stories of the Old Testament or miracles that God still works?

Am I losing my wonder? Am I letting life's hardship rob me of it? I used to have it when I was a little girl but it's almost completely absent from my days anymore.

I guess I started thinking of this when I heard a song off of my new favorite CD. It's called "In Christ Alone" by Keith and Kristyn Getty. It's actually my current favorite song, also. I wish there was a way for you to hear it as you read lyrics but sadly you'll just have to imagine it's very beautiful.

This song is my heart cry as I attempt to walk through this life without missing the real point...
God, who He is and what He does, and His creation and all that goes along with that is to bring us "wonder".

"Don't Let me lose my Wonder"

I've seen the days melt into night in circles of lights.
I've watched the spider spin a star between the window box flowers,
I've heard you laugh and cry in a single sigh,
And a story form within.

Don't let me lose my wonder.
Don't let me lose my wonder.

I saw her broken dreams inside but helping others fly
I saw his eyes without a doubt though other lights faded out.
And though her calling roared, such graciousness poured
From the vision of her soul.

A baby cried through the dark beneath a jeweled spark
I knew your voice upon the hill and heard my lostness still
I found my home in the light where wrong was made right
And you rose as the morning star.

Don't let me lose my wonder
Don't let me lose my wonder