Thursday, December 07, 2006

Wandering The Gap

I have found myself in a very odd place these past few months.

I'm wandering around in what I like to call "The Gap". Sadly enough, this is not the retail store. This is the waiting place in life that God so often brings you to when He wants to build your faith.

I don't like it here. I want to reject it. I'm positive if I had enough time to reason or more resources, I could get myself out of the gap. It's funny, because when I realize that I've been brought there (and it often hits me suddenly) I don't respond too calmly. My pulse starts to race and I begin to wander around in an inward panic until my frustration comes out in some form or another...Like a breakdown of tears or a misplaced argument with someone I care about it.

You see, "The Gap" is that place between God's promises and His provision. I know His promises. They are a mere verse away from my knowledge but His provision...How and when He intends to solve my problem-that's a whole different story.

It is here in the gap that you can become a big girl Christian and not a first grader. The humbling may not be your decision but it can yield great results.

If you let it.

You have to be careful. It is in this gap that Satan tempts you to despair. He desires for you to accuse God that He is not working. I sensed that urging as I opened my mailbox yesterday and immediately whispered a prayer of defensiveness.
God stays His hand for what is like a moment compared to eternity and I race to doubt. It seems so natural to wonder if God really cares for you in the gap. If His thoughts are towards you for good.

That's the sad realization for me. I tell people nearly every day that God loves them and desires to bless them in obedience and the first visible road sign for the gap and I question His presence and intentions.

It is in the gap that you find out who your true friends are. I mean that. Many may say they pray for you or send well wishes but it is those who are willing to come into the gap with you and grab ahold, that you discover a real sister or brother.

I know who these people are because while I'm wandering they don't listen to me! I tell them to stay away and I attempt to detach...I become that hermit at my house (pacing and reasoning) and they barge in and drag me out. They call and call and drive me crazy and then they feed me a little cake until I look better to them.

(Cake is very effective for Charity..Please feel free to send some!)

They remind me of the promises I know and reassure me that they are there until God debuts His unique provision. We choose together to praise in the gap and be thankful for it.

It's bittersweet...This gap I'm in.

I'm so thankful I'm not alone.

My friend Linda and Substitute Mom, Laura Baker (Author of "Prasso")

Sweet Amy

My Danville Girls-Steph...How can a phone call make all the difference?

Matt-The eternal rescuer. How many of my friends can attest to that?

Supper Club


Abe, Matt's closest friend. Our financial consultant and cheerleader.


Anonymous said...

Makes me sad that I'm not one of them - sorry. I will be praying for you. I know all to well about the Gap. I'm in a big one my-self right now. When I went to London they had sighs everywhere that said "Mind the Gap". Here it would say "watch your step" Just made me think of that. Well mind the gap and have some cake. Love and miss you, Julie

Anonymous said...

Honey, you just wrote my story. I love how you can put into words how I am feeling. I know we don't talk as much as others, but you are not forgotten and I love you!

Anonymous said...

I understand about spiritual confusion, but with all those friends how do you have time to get down?!?
You look like your loved. Draw off of that.

LoVe said...

i know the gap well.
i'll be praying too!
miss you and luv u!

Steph said...

It reminds me of a WBGL song I love that says "I'll be standing in the gap for you, just remember someone somewhere is praying for you, calling out your name, praying for your strength, I'll be standing in the gap for you."
Love ya

Setrn said...

I am here in the Gap today too! I am selfishly praying for you because I need you too much to have you not in a good place. Honestly, I have been in this stupid gap so long, I am planning to redecorate soon! Honestly, even here, God's provision is visible, if we look VERY CLOSELY! Sometimes it is hard to see it in the fog. I remember sitting with you on your couch, and you talking about being in this place, and waiting for God's provision. Your blog was so beautiful, I may have to quote it on mine and give your credit. Manda is right, you just wrote all of our stories. Maybe that is what God intended for you to be able to do. Thanks for your awesome faith, but also your awesome humanness.

Charity said...

Julie, you are one of them! The really blessed thing about my life is that there isn't a blog big enough to feature all the people who have invested time into me and my family.

I hate these trials where you are tempted to be self-focused. I want my life to be defined by showing the same love to others that has been shown to me.

Thanks everyone for your encouraging words.