Wednesday, May 09, 2007
The Winds of Change
Well...It's official. We are making a total transition next year (not unlike the Harmless clan) and are heading back to Christian school work.
Many of you know that Matt decided last year when offered an administration position at Blue Ridge Christian Academy that he would decline and take a break from teaching. It had been a long 6 years in the ministry and we thought that trekking down a different avenue might bring some respite and help us get a little more secure financially.
This has emphatically been one of the most difficult years of our marriage and thankfully we've got our heads on straight (and I'm keeping my mouth shut!) and are detouring back where we belong.
Fortunately for us, Blue Ridge still wants Matt (as a plain ole' teacher and we're fine with that) and he signed his contract last week.
I will also join the school's staff as one of their librarians and doing some afternoon work with the kindergarten class.
This will mean that for now, we are done homeschooling which makes me very sad but I know it is what is best for the boys and our support of the school.
I'm not sure when it happened, but I am now that mother of school-aged kids. What? It's not me...I'm a diaper mom...a play date mom...a YOUNG mom! Now that that stage is over, I really regret all the time I wished it away. While this age brings so much enjoyment and sleep, it also leaves a major part absent. I'm having empty nest syndrome.
I'll admit it.
Today we took both boys for the necessary testing to make sure they are ready for their upcoming grades. Sam will be in 3rd grade and Jo in Kindergarten. The testing was very stressful for me as it is the day of reckoning for a homeschool mom. Have I done my job? Have I taught them all they need to know? After much pacing back and forth to check in to see how they were doing, I forced myself to sit on the bench and wait! I was afraid that they would, of course, want my children to attend but frankly, want their mother to go away!
When we broke the news to Sam that he would be going to traditional school, he cried. Every time.
It was good to see that his new teacher thought he was very bright and he ended the testing with two thumbs up.
Jo also did very well but I almost broke down when he left me for testing. He barely leaves me for anything. Look how brave he was!
Our school is at the foothills of the mountains and it is beautiful.
I kept imaging Sam walking around the campus with his high school girlfriend..remembering all of the great times I had with my friends at our Christian school. I'm willing to give him for now if he will make even a small portion of the relationships and memories I did.
Matt is totally fired up about the transition and is looking forward to not hearing curse words every other minute (he's been at a public school this semester) and has already found a few other teachers that he likes and is connecting with.
And I...well, I'm a little of alot of emotions. I've talked to God and He's fully aware that I'm naturally really bad at being a Christian school teacher's wife. He's been informed that I am afraid of failing again in my struggle with this ministry and despite my straight forwardness and transparency...He continues to insists that we go. Strangely, He's heard that I think I can better protect my babies inside my little house and He still audaciously places them out of my control! Can you believe that?
I feel the winds of change and usually that means I slam the windows closed and pull the curtains.
Instead, I'm trying to enjoy the breeze.
Let's see how long it lasts!